The life of a fucking awesome person

Decided to start redesigning the front page, hopefully it will be a success.
Most likely, however, it will not.

Welcome to the first installment of random short rant, in which I will be making a short rant (1-2 paragraphs) about something that is worth ranting, but isn’t bothering enough to make a long rant about.

In this first installment, I’ll be covering the decline of quality in the show The Simpsons.
The thing about The Simpsons is it was a very good show when it first came out. Seasons 1-9 were superb, with a few bad episodes. Then, sadly, it started its decline. I won’t go into which episodes started it, since I honestly don’t know, but what I’m trying to say is: The Simpsons now sucks. Season 20 was terrible. So was 21.

I can’t explain what’s the problem with The Simpsons, really. I mean, the jokes are worse now, the plot is worse, but why? I can’t explain it. It just feels like the older episodes were more meaningful. Remember the episode were it was revealed that Jebediah Springfield was actually a bloodthirsty pirate? It just feels like The Simpsons has become a parody of itself. Homer isn’t a loveable idiot anymore, he is a punching bag. Bart isn’t the classic badboy he used to be, he is a wimp.

That’s all folks.
Spoiler Alerts.

You know what pisses me off? Those fucking pages that are like “Like this page and you will see something AMAAAAAAAAAZIIIIIIIIIIIIIING”. No. Fuck you. You just google “kewl pics”, take the first one and make a facebook page about it. And what about those pages that are like “PROVEN! NO MEN CAN SEE THE HIDDEN ILLUSION!”. Actually, that’s not how it works you retards. I mean really, all these pages are fucking stupid. There are also a load of “Only 1% can see the male in this picture.” and then it’s a picture of Justin Bieber. Ha. Ha. Ha. It was actually slightly funny the first time, but since no one has original ideas, there are now tons of these. If you want to make a joke, make it original or don’t act like it’s your fucking joke.

I’ll just list the phenomenas that I’ve seen across the like pages (none of them original):
-[amount]% of the population can’t see the male in this pic (and a pic of justin bieber)
-How [something] will look in [amount] years (and some pic they probably got off google images)
-Photographer killed himself 3 days after taking this pic! (and the pic with the bird and the kid)
-[someone] [did something] after seeing this pic!
-[someone] [suffered consequence] after posting this [status/pic]

May I just comment that the “photographer killed himself 3 days after taking this pic!” thing is false, afaik. If my sources are correct, then the photographer killed himself over a year after taking this picture, and I don’t see why he would kill himself? It was said that he couldn’t scare away the bird from the kid because of some journalistic codec crap, but that is bullshit. I’m guessing he took the picture, scared away the bird, went home and killed himself (over a year later) for another reason.

My last post was ranting about the story of Noah’s Ark, well, here is another one on the same subject. In this one I’m not trying to prove how the actual structure of the ark or the fact that they had a fuckload of animals in it, I’m just going to talk about a big flaw in the story.

First of all, according to the bible, after the flood, and after several days of the water sinking, the ark came to a stop at the Mountains of Ararat in Turkey. Let’s just naturally assume that it’s Mount Ararat, since it carries the same name and is in the same place. Well anyway, Mount Ararat is 5,137m high. That’s pretty damn high. So, if the Ark came to a stop at it after the water had sunken away, they would be at the top. So they would be 5,137m up in the air. I won’t talk about the obvious flaw of the fact that air is thin up there and everyone would die from the lack of oxygen, I will however talk about the obvious flaw of the fact that water freezes and it’s cold in the mountains.

As we all know, water freezes when it reaches a temperature of 0 degrees celcius (or 32 degrees fahrenheit), and it would be at least -30 up at the top of Mount Ararat. This would mean that the water had frozen and created a quite thick block of ice, since it would start freezing at a point where the temperature is below 0 degrees celcius (I don’t know where that is, but it’s definitely under 5km up in the air), and then it would continuously freeze all the way up. This would mean that since the entire world was flooded to this height, there would be a huge fricking block of ice around the entire earth. And when God blew away the excess water from Earth (I might go into this later, not feeling like it now) and into non-existance, he wouldn’t blow away the ice (we can assume, since his magic powers were most likely only focusing on the water.) Actually, if you take the bible literally, the water SUNK away, which automatically means that it wouldn’t affect the ice since it’s not liquid. However (oh, here we go), being how you can’t flood earth with the amount of water that’s on earth right now, otherwise we’d all be drowning, God would’ve had to add a whole bunch of water, and then removed it. But yeah, if we take the bible literally, the water sunk away, and the ice (that they forgot to mention, I guess) didn’t. So, what does this mean? Well, what we have is a huge block of ice in the air. But how would it hold up? I mean, when the water was under it, it was held up by it, but now there is no support. Or is it?

You see, in my thinking about this, I realized something. Mountains. The moutains would be in the block of ice and therefore effectively hold it up, at least to some degree. Sure, a couple of inbred children might’ve gotten crushed by a falling block of ice now and then, which halted the repopulating of the earth. Unless God removed the ice of course.

So, that was just a quick (yeah, like 600 words quick) mention of how the flooding of earth would result in ice. A lot of ice.

So I was reading the bible, and before you say something, the reason I was reading it was that I was tired of people telling me to read the bible whenever I said something about a bible verse not making sense.

So, I was reading the bible and got to the part with Noah’s ark. Wow, I thought, the first story of mass murder in the bible! Epic. So as I started reading it, I noticed a thing. According to God, the ark was supposed to be 150×25x15 meters. If you count the base area, that would be 3750 squaremeters. Impressive, right? Well, let’s put this in perspective. 3750 squaremeters is equal to the size of my house, if it was 30 times larger. Now, of course you don’t know how big my house is, but do you really believe that if someone took a regular house, duplicated it 30 times, and made a warehouse out of it it would fit two of all the animals in the world in it? Not only that, but being how there were monkeys, birds and other tree-dwelling animals in the ark, there had to be trees. So, did God just use his miracle (not magic, mind you!) wand and make it so that the trees could grow without soil, sun and water and make them under 15 meters?

But that’s not it. The ark was split into 3 sections. That means every section would be 5 meters. You know how big the average giraffe is? About 4.7-5.2 meters (according to Wikipedia, my reliable source). That means that the giraffes and other big animals would get a very tight fit and would probably have to bend their necks to not hit their heads in the ceiling.

And what about the food, the enviroment and the hunters living with the prey? Well, apparently God has that covered too, since there was apparently not a single problem with finding a massive supply of food, getting it in the ark, storing it, keeping the animals from killing each other, keeping the animals who need to be cold cold and keeping the animals who need to be warm warm.

So let’s take a look at how much God did to assure the survival of the creatures he hated and wanted to die. He made it so a 600 year old man could build a huge boat. He made it so that the animals were easy to capture and to bring into the boat. He fucked up the space-time continuum so that everyone could fit, he gave Noah an unlimited supply of food and he helped Noah keep the ark clean, he kept the hunters from the prey, and made the animals live in harmony.
God did all that to assure the survival of the CREATURES HE HATED. If you had an ant farm, and the ants killed each other, and you started to hate them, would you do all you could to help a single ant escape the terror as you killed the other ants? No, you’d fucking kill them all. Especially if you knew that the evil of the ant farm/world came from the race of humans/ants. You wouldn’t want to make the ants live on if they were biologically evil, would you? No, you wouldn’t.

So, there. The story of Noah’s ark doesn’t make any sense. At all.

Spoiler Alerts.

So I was playing Modern Warfare 2 when I realized. It’s bad. Really bad. At least the multiplayer is. Why? Here are five reasons why Modern Warfare 2 is crap.

1. Unbalanced weapons.
I really hate the unbalanced weapons in Modern Warfare 2. I mean, Model 1887s akimbo? They are godlike. If god picked a weapon to slay mankind, he would pick the Model 1887s from this game. Other examples of the unbalanced weapons are the grenade launchers (aka the noobtubes), that you barely need to aim with, the UMP45 which takes around 3 shots to kill anyone, the AK-47 that you pretty much just needs to aim at someone’s general direction and pull the trigger and they will drop like flies. And the list goes on, and on, and on, and on and on, and on…

2. Overpowered killstreaks
I like the fact that you get customizable killstreaks. I love that. I mean, getting to pick Counter-UAV instead of UAV is great. But the AC-130, the chopper gunner, the harrier strike and the pave low are all overpowered. Unless someone shoots them down they will DESTROY the enemy team.

3. Magic bullets
The magic bullets are a phenomena in MW2 that are kind of like the bullets in Wanted. I.E they can go around corners. What am I talking about? Well a very common occurence of the “magic bullet” is that you are shooting at an enemy, he hits you, you run for cover to not die, you reach the cover happy that you managed to survive. But then, you suddenly die. When you watch the killcam you don’t get an explanation either. Basically what happens (and this is purely guess work, but it seems likely) is that the bullet lags and is supposed to kill you early but doesn’t. OR (again, purely guess work) what happens is that because of lag, your hitbox is extended and thus you are killed. That brings me to the next point.

4. THE HITBOXES ARE FUCKING ASS
A common problem that I notice is that the hitboxes are very weird. For example, I have shot dead on at an enemy, but “missing” every single shot. I’ve also experienced a problem that you might call a magic bullet but I don’t see it as being a magic bullet. Basically what happens is that for example, I run out a door. An enemy appears just when I walk out, but thankfully by the time he starts shooting I’m already far around the corner. But SOMEHOW my hitbox has extended to the doorway and the enemy KILLS ME although I’m not even close to where he is shooting.

5. The host picking system (and no dedicated servers)
When it was announced that there were going to be no dedicated servers in MW2 I almost didn’t buy it. NO DEDICATED SERVERS? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? But I did buy it, because I figure it’d be fine. And it would be fine. Unless the matchmaking, automatic team making and host picking system is fucking ass. First of all, MW2 seems to always pick the worst host. I’ve experienced games where the only person that didn’t have extreme lag was the host. The automatic teammaking is also fucking terrible. It “tries” to make balanced teams, but if it actually does try, it fails. It fails miserably. Basically what it tries to do is mix the bad players with the good players. Which is logic. That makes for balanced teams. However, it seems to stockpile the bad people instead and pin them against the good people.

So there you have it. 5 reasons Modern Warfare 2 is crap. Well, atleast the multiplayer. The singleplayer is fine, and I really like special ops. But the multiplayer? Shit.

Spoiler Alerts.

Haven’t posted for a month, haven’t had anything to write about. But as I was looking at my facebook account I noticed I had 15 farmville requests. 15?! Really? I’m sorry, but who actually uses farmville? I used it a while ago, but quickly lost interest because it’s, oh, I don’t know. Worthless?
I mean, what’s so interesting about clicking “plant”, returning 4 hours later and clicking “harvest”. It’s not challenging, it doesn’t use any intelligence, all it does is TAKE TIME.

What about other facebook apps that are like farmville, but are about other things, like owning a cafe? Well, there is cafe world, which I used after I stopped using farmville, but quickly lost interest in that too because it sucked. It was basically the same deal as farmville. You hit a button, return a couple of hours later and hit another button. I find it fascinating that so many apps on facebook follow the same formula. There is petville, fishville, and idontfuckingcareanymoreville. I just don’t see the point in running a virtual farm, or a virtual cafe, or owning a virtual fish bowl. Who cares? I certainly don’t, so stop trying to involve me in your shit.

I do not want to be your neighbor. Go away. Seriously.

Spoiler Alerts.

In 2009 the game Wanted: Weapons of Fate came out. The game was based on the movie, or it actually is a follow-up to the movie. You see, the game takes place just after the events of the Wanted movie. But y’know what’s weird? It’s actually kind of like a sequel. Why? Because it’s 2 hours long.

The game is horribly short, and that’s actually a good thing, because this game sucks. Ass.
So the basic plot is:
I honestly can’t remember too well, but after the original Wanted movie (in which the main character named Wesley joined a secret club, found out that they were assholes and killed them all) guys from the french fraternity (the secret club) shows up and tries to kill him + steal some document. Wesley doesn’t like that so he kills a bunch of people and that’s pretty much it.

The plot is vague, very vague, and really doesn’t offer much except mindless violence, which would be fun if they pulled it off right.
If you’ve seen the Wanted movie or read the comics you know that the members of the fraternity can bend bullets, and you can do that in the game too. But you need adrenaline? How do you get adrenaline? You kill people. 1 kill = 1 piece of adrenaline = 1 bullet bending. The problem with this isn’t that there is a lack of adrenaline, it’s the exact opposite. It is so easy to kill so that if you could carry an infinite amount of adrenaline you’d probably have about enough to curve 500 bullets.

The game is incredibly easy, even on the harder settings, mainly because the AI is so fucking stupid you can basically run right into their base carrying a screwdriver and still manage to destroy it without taking especially much damage. This comes mainly out of the fact that the enemies can’t aim for shit. At one point I was literally standing in plain sight at one end of a very short hallway with a guy in the other end trying to hit me and never did.
The enemies are also incredibly weak. Usually it takes about 3 bullets to the gut/legs/arms/chest or 1 bullet to the head. There ARE bosses, but the way you beat them is so incredibly obvious that you can hand the controller over to a 5 year old kid and they could figure it out.

In the first boss fight all you gotta do is take cover behind pillars and jump quickly between them to confuse the boss and get easy shots on him. On the second one (I think, I haven’t played this game for a while) all you need to do is curve bullets on him, which the droves of regular enemies that can’t do shit happily refill for you. On the next on I remember, it’s the pillar thing again, except this time the boss has a little bit more health and moves around. Still easy as shit, though. And on the last one, the boss basically has two places to stand in and both of them are accessible from easy cover. Yes, you heard me right. The final boss can be killed with you stepping out of cover.

Another thing I’d like to mention is the cutscenes. You see, there are a lot of small cutscenes in between the mindless action scenes, and they all suck pretty much.
First of all, Wesley in these cutscenes SUCKS. He acts like he is retarded or something. At one point he managed to confuse one of the bosses and then fucks it over by not even shooting at him. How stupid can he get? I’ve heard of stupid AI but never stupid PLAYABLE CHARACTERS. At one point he is trying to take out a guy with a riot shield (who is the first boss, by the way) and what does he do? Well, he manages to get out of the riot sheld guy’s vision long enough to dodge to the side so he can be able to flank him. But what does Wesley do? He takes one step. One. Step.
While we are on this topic of the cutscene with the one step, I’d like to talk about the stupid enemies in the cutscenes. Stupid AI is one thing, since AI has to be able to face different things, being how it takes has a part in the interactivity, however, stupid enemies in cutscenes don’t. Cutscenes don’t change, therefore the creators can do what they want with no fear of the player fucking up the situation, being how he cant move/shoot/whatever.
So while Wesley has moved one. Step. This riot shield guy was busy reloading or something. When he is finished, he doesn’t see Wesley! WHAT? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? HE MUST BE GONE! But if you look closely, you can actually SEE WESLEY AT THE EDGE OF THE SCREEN. Mr. Fucktard Riot Shield doesn’t notice that however. What is wrong with him? How god damn stupid can you be? What, does he believe Wesley was a secret fairy and teleported his way out of the room and now he has stopped wanting to kill him?!

At some points I really wonder. What is wrong with some game developers?
Spoiler Alerts.

Have you ever wondered how my life turned so awesome? How I stepped out of the dark, depressing hole of failure and into the glory of awesomeness? Well, now you can! Just follow these simple rules of life that I follow, and you will turn out as awesome as me (just don’t create a blog, I don’t like competition):

First of all, never underestimate your enemies. I had a lot of problems with this. Have you ever been in a position where someone is undermining you and you try to prepare but you don’t prepare for some of the more complex stuff because “they won’t think of that”. Don’t do that. Because when you do, they WILL think of that, and they WILL fuck you over. Badly.

Second of all, anything is possible. This is both motivational and literal. Anything IS possible. It IS possible that Star Wars III will be good, although it will probably never happen. It IS also possible that you’ll score tonight, although that will probably also never happen. Don’t turn your back on possibilities because “it’ll never happen”. That’s how you become non-awesome. And non-awesome people suck. Badly.

Third of all, don’t waste your time with people who don’t understand what you’re talking about. If someone is obviously not understanding the basics of awesomeness, it will probably never happen, and you should give up on them. This kind of goes against the second rule, but there is one big difference: scenarios and people aren’t the same thing.

Fourth of all, you’re awesome. You. Are. Awesome. This never changes. This never modifies. This is the exception that confirms the rule two. It will never happen that you lose your awesomeness. It isn’t possible. Everything else is possible, but not this. This NEVER changes.
(Note that you are not more awesome than me.)

So there. The four narcissistic rules of life that will make your life better. Now go with haste, put what you learned to use.
Spoiler Alerts.

Today in school I told one of my friends about I-Doser. It later came up in my friend circle and the friend I had originally told tried a quick hit. He got high. Really high. So during class we got to use the computers, and my entire friend circle immediately went on youtube and tried it. It didn’t take long until other people from my class wanted to see what was up. Now I-Doser is a HUGE thing in my class.

Anyway, today’s topic is… movies based on games.
The problem I have with movies based on games is that they always suck. ALWAYS suck. Part of the problems with these movies is mainly that most movies based on games are made by bad directors. Uwe Boll, for example, makes a lot of “game movies”. And being how Uwe Boll sucks, these movies also suck.
Another part of the problems with game movies is that games are fun because of interactivity. That’s what makes them games. But since movies are not interactive, the whole concept completely fails.

Please, movie directors of the world. DO NOT MAKE MOVIES BASED ON GAMES.

Spoiler Alerts.