The life of a fucking awesome person

So I was reading the bible, and before you say something, the reason I was reading it was that I was tired of people telling me to read the bible whenever I said something about a bible verse not making sense.

So, I was reading the bible and got to the part with Noah’s ark. Wow, I thought, the first story of mass murder in the bible! Epic. So as I started reading it, I noticed a thing. According to God, the ark was supposed to be 150×25x15 meters. If you count the base area, that would be 3750 squaremeters. Impressive, right? Well, let’s put this in perspective. 3750 squaremeters is equal to the size of my house, if it was 30 times larger. Now, of course you don’t know how big my house is, but do you really believe that if someone took a regular house, duplicated it 30 times, and made a warehouse out of it it would fit two of all the animals in the world in it? Not only that, but being how there were monkeys, birds and other tree-dwelling animals in the ark, there had to be trees. So, did God just use his miracle (not magic, mind you!) wand and make it so that the trees could grow without soil, sun and water and make them under 15 meters?

But that’s not it. The ark was split into 3 sections. That means every section would be 5 meters. You know how big the average giraffe is? About 4.7-5.2 meters (according to Wikipedia, my reliable source). That means that the giraffes and other big animals would get a very tight fit and would probably have to bend their necks to not hit their heads in the ceiling.

And what about the food, the enviroment and the hunters living with the prey? Well, apparently God has that covered too, since there was apparently not a single problem with finding a massive supply of food, getting it in the ark, storing it, keeping the animals from killing each other, keeping the animals who need to be cold cold and keeping the animals who need to be warm warm.

So let’s take a look at how much God did to assure the survival of the creatures he hated and wanted to die. He made it so a 600 year old man could build a huge boat. He made it so that the animals were easy to capture and to bring into the boat. He fucked up the space-time continuum so that everyone could fit, he gave Noah an unlimited supply of food and he helped Noah keep the ark clean, he kept the hunters from the prey, and made the animals live in harmony.
God did all that to assure the survival of the CREATURES HE HATED. If you had an ant farm, and the ants killed each other, and you started to hate them, would you do all you could to help a single ant escape the terror as you killed the other ants? No, you’d fucking kill them all. Especially if you knew that the evil of the ant farm/world came from the race of humans/ants. You wouldn’t want to make the ants live on if they were biologically evil, would you? No, you wouldn’t.

So, there. The story of Noah’s ark doesn’t make any sense. At all.

Spoiler Alerts.