The life of a fucking awesome person

In 2009 the game Wanted: Weapons of Fate came out. The game was based on the movie, or it actually is a follow-up to the movie. You see, the game takes place just after the events of the Wanted movie. But y’know what’s weird? It’s actually kind of like a sequel. Why? Because it’s 2 hours long.

The game is horribly short, and that’s actually a good thing, because this game sucks. Ass.
So the basic plot is:
I honestly can’t remember too well, but after the original Wanted movie (in which the main character named Wesley joined a secret club, found out that they were assholes and killed them all) guys from the french fraternity (the secret club) shows up and tries to kill him + steal some document. Wesley doesn’t like that so he kills a bunch of people and that’s pretty much it.

The plot is vague, very vague, and really doesn’t offer much except mindless violence, which would be fun if they pulled it off right.
If you’ve seen the Wanted movie or read the comics you know that the members of the fraternity can bend bullets, and you can do that in the game too. But you need adrenaline? How do you get adrenaline? You kill people. 1 kill = 1 piece of adrenaline = 1 bullet bending. The problem with this isn’t that there is a lack of adrenaline, it’s the exact opposite. It is so easy to kill so that if you could carry an infinite amount of adrenaline you’d probably have about enough to curve 500 bullets.

The game is incredibly easy, even on the harder settings, mainly because the AI is so fucking stupid you can basically run right into their base carrying a screwdriver and still manage to destroy it without taking especially much damage. This comes mainly out of the fact that the enemies can’t aim for shit. At one point I was literally standing in plain sight at one end of a very short hallway with a guy in the other end trying to hit me and never did.
The enemies are also incredibly weak. Usually it takes about 3 bullets to the gut/legs/arms/chest or 1 bullet to the head. There ARE bosses, but the way you beat them is so incredibly obvious that you can hand the controller over to a 5 year old kid and they could figure it out.

In the first boss fight all you gotta do is take cover behind pillars and jump quickly between them to confuse the boss and get easy shots on him. On the second one (I think, I haven’t played this game for a while) all you need to do is curve bullets on him, which the droves of regular enemies that can’t do shit happily refill for you. On the next on I remember, it’s the pillar thing again, except this time the boss has a little bit more health and moves around. Still easy as shit, though. And on the last one, the boss basically has two places to stand in and both of them are accessible from easy cover. Yes, you heard me right. The final boss can be killed with you stepping out of cover.

Another thing I’d like to mention is the cutscenes. You see, there are a lot of small cutscenes in between the mindless action scenes, and they all suck pretty much.
First of all, Wesley in these cutscenes SUCKS. He acts like he is retarded or something. At one point he managed to confuse one of the bosses and then fucks it over by not even shooting at him. How stupid can he get? I’ve heard of stupid AI but never stupid PLAYABLE CHARACTERS. At one point he is trying to take out a guy with a riot shield (who is the first boss, by the way) and what does he do? Well, he manages to get out of the riot sheld guy’s vision long enough to dodge to the side so he can be able to flank him. But what does Wesley do? He takes one step. One. Step.
While we are on this topic of the cutscene with the one step, I’d like to talk about the stupid enemies in the cutscenes. Stupid AI is one thing, since AI has to be able to face different things, being how it takes has a part in the interactivity, however, stupid enemies in cutscenes don’t. Cutscenes don’t change, therefore the creators can do what they want with no fear of the player fucking up the situation, being how he cant move/shoot/whatever.
So while Wesley has moved one. Step. This riot shield guy was busy reloading or something. When he is finished, he doesn’t see Wesley! WHAT? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? HE MUST BE GONE! But if you look closely, you can actually SEE WESLEY AT THE EDGE OF THE SCREEN. Mr. Fucktard Riot Shield doesn’t notice that however. What is wrong with him? How god damn stupid can you be? What, does he believe Wesley was a secret fairy and teleported his way out of the room and now he has stopped wanting to kill him?!

At some points I really wonder. What is wrong with some game developers?
Spoiler Alerts.

A random title of a post, yes, but the nazis man, they are to blame for everything. Global warming, murder, the earthquake in Haiti. Nazis, man. They’ll get to us all.

Now when we’ve gotten the conspiracy theories about nazis out of the way, let’s move on to a much more important subject. Call of Duty, my friends. Call of Duty 6, aka Modern Warfare 2, is just totally awesome. Now disagree with me here if you want to, but seriously, how can a game with a level where you slaughter civilians be bad? ‘No Russian’ is the best fucking level, ever. It just fucking owns. It starts off in an elevator. You walk out, armed to the teeth with machine guns, grenade launchers, and other badass weaponry. All your “buddies” open fire, and you better do too, because of peer pressure. So once you started slaughtering the civilians, the security guards start noticing. Naturally, they get blasted because they only carry puny pistols, and you are pretty much invincible. So you blast all these fools, and then you get outside, and the cavalry arrives. Only, it isn’t your cavalry, it’s some form of special forces. Fuck if I know what the russian special forces are called. Anyway, they come in with riot shield, so your blast their asses, and then you get to the end. An ambulance arrives to pick you up, and it finishes in the most gay and epic way ever. The guy in the ambulance goes “This really sent a message.” then Makarov is like “No, this is a message.” and SHOOTS YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE. You die, and then the mission ends.

Spoiler Alerts.