The life of a fucking awesome person

You know what pisses me off? Those fucking pages that are like “Like this page and you will see something AMAAAAAAAAAZIIIIIIIIIIIIIING”. No. Fuck you. You just google “kewl pics”, take the first one and make a facebook page about it. And what about those pages that are like “PROVEN! NO MEN CAN SEE THE HIDDEN ILLUSION!”. Actually, that’s not how it works you retards. I mean really, all these pages are fucking stupid. There are also a load of “Only 1% can see the male in this picture.” and then it’s a picture of Justin Bieber. Ha. Ha. Ha. It was actually slightly funny the first time, but since no one has original ideas, there are now tons of these. If you want to make a joke, make it original or don’t act like it’s your fucking joke.

I’ll just list the phenomenas that I’ve seen across the like pages (none of them original):
-[amount]% of the population can’t see the male in this pic (and a pic of justin bieber)
-How [something] will look in [amount] years (and some pic they probably got off google images)
-Photographer killed himself 3 days after taking this pic! (and the pic with the bird and the kid)
-[someone] [did something] after seeing this pic!
-[someone] [suffered consequence] after posting this [status/pic]

May I just comment that the “photographer killed himself 3 days after taking this pic!” thing is false, afaik. If my sources are correct, then the photographer killed himself over a year after taking this picture, and I don’t see why he would kill himself? It was said that he couldn’t scare away the bird from the kid because of some journalistic codec crap, but that is bullshit. I’m guessing he took the picture, scared away the bird, went home and killed himself (over a year later) for another reason.

My last post was ranting about the story of Noah’s Ark, well, here is another one on the same subject. In this one I’m not trying to prove how the actual structure of the ark or the fact that they had a fuckload of animals in it, I’m just going to talk about a big flaw in the story.

First of all, according to the bible, after the flood, and after several days of the water sinking, the ark came to a stop at the Mountains of Ararat in Turkey. Let’s just naturally assume that it’s Mount Ararat, since it carries the same name and is in the same place. Well anyway, Mount Ararat is 5,137m high. That’s pretty damn high. So, if the Ark came to a stop at it after the water had sunken away, they would be at the top. So they would be 5,137m up in the air. I won’t talk about the obvious flaw of the fact that air is thin up there and everyone would die from the lack of oxygen, I will however talk about the obvious flaw of the fact that water freezes and it’s cold in the mountains.

As we all know, water freezes when it reaches a temperature of 0 degrees celcius (or 32 degrees fahrenheit), and it would be at least -30 up at the top of Mount Ararat. This would mean that the water had frozen and created a quite thick block of ice, since it would start freezing at a point where the temperature is below 0 degrees celcius (I don’t know where that is, but it’s definitely under 5km up in the air), and then it would continuously freeze all the way up. This would mean that since the entire world was flooded to this height, there would be a huge fricking block of ice around the entire earth. And when God blew away the excess water from Earth (I might go into this later, not feeling like it now) and into non-existance, he wouldn’t blow away the ice (we can assume, since his magic powers were most likely only focusing on the water.) Actually, if you take the bible literally, the water SUNK away, which automatically means that it wouldn’t affect the ice since it’s not liquid. However (oh, here we go), being how you can’t flood earth with the amount of water that’s on earth right now, otherwise we’d all be drowning, God would’ve had to add a whole bunch of water, and then removed it. But yeah, if we take the bible literally, the water sunk away, and the ice (that they forgot to mention, I guess) didn’t. So, what does this mean? Well, what we have is a huge block of ice in the air. But how would it hold up? I mean, when the water was under it, it was held up by it, but now there is no support. Or is it?

You see, in my thinking about this, I realized something. Mountains. The moutains would be in the block of ice and therefore effectively hold it up, at least to some degree. Sure, a couple of inbred children might’ve gotten crushed by a falling block of ice now and then, which halted the repopulating of the earth. Unless God removed the ice of course.

So, that was just a quick (yeah, like 600 words quick) mention of how the flooding of earth would result in ice. A lot of ice.

In 2009 the game Wanted: Weapons of Fate came out. The game was based on the movie, or it actually is a follow-up to the movie. You see, the game takes place just after the events of the Wanted movie. But y’know what’s weird? It’s actually kind of like a sequel. Why? Because it’s 2 hours long.

The game is horribly short, and that’s actually a good thing, because this game sucks. Ass.
So the basic plot is:
I honestly can’t remember too well, but after the original Wanted movie (in which the main character named Wesley joined a secret club, found out that they were assholes and killed them all) guys from the french fraternity (the secret club) shows up and tries to kill him + steal some document. Wesley doesn’t like that so he kills a bunch of people and that’s pretty much it.

The plot is vague, very vague, and really doesn’t offer much except mindless violence, which would be fun if they pulled it off right.
If you’ve seen the Wanted movie or read the comics you know that the members of the fraternity can bend bullets, and you can do that in the game too. But you need adrenaline? How do you get adrenaline? You kill people. 1 kill = 1 piece of adrenaline = 1 bullet bending. The problem with this isn’t that there is a lack of adrenaline, it’s the exact opposite. It is so easy to kill so that if you could carry an infinite amount of adrenaline you’d probably have about enough to curve 500 bullets.

The game is incredibly easy, even on the harder settings, mainly because the AI is so fucking stupid you can basically run right into their base carrying a screwdriver and still manage to destroy it without taking especially much damage. This comes mainly out of the fact that the enemies can’t aim for shit. At one point I was literally standing in plain sight at one end of a very short hallway with a guy in the other end trying to hit me and never did.
The enemies are also incredibly weak. Usually it takes about 3 bullets to the gut/legs/arms/chest or 1 bullet to the head. There ARE bosses, but the way you beat them is so incredibly obvious that you can hand the controller over to a 5 year old kid and they could figure it out.

In the first boss fight all you gotta do is take cover behind pillars and jump quickly between them to confuse the boss and get easy shots on him. On the second one (I think, I haven’t played this game for a while) all you need to do is curve bullets on him, which the droves of regular enemies that can’t do shit happily refill for you. On the next on I remember, it’s the pillar thing again, except this time the boss has a little bit more health and moves around. Still easy as shit, though. And on the last one, the boss basically has two places to stand in and both of them are accessible from easy cover. Yes, you heard me right. The final boss can be killed with you stepping out of cover.

Another thing I’d like to mention is the cutscenes. You see, there are a lot of small cutscenes in between the mindless action scenes, and they all suck pretty much.
First of all, Wesley in these cutscenes SUCKS. He acts like he is retarded or something. At one point he managed to confuse one of the bosses and then fucks it over by not even shooting at him. How stupid can he get? I’ve heard of stupid AI but never stupid PLAYABLE CHARACTERS. At one point he is trying to take out a guy with a riot shield (who is the first boss, by the way) and what does he do? Well, he manages to get out of the riot sheld guy’s vision long enough to dodge to the side so he can be able to flank him. But what does Wesley do? He takes one step. One. Step.
While we are on this topic of the cutscene with the one step, I’d like to talk about the stupid enemies in the cutscenes. Stupid AI is one thing, since AI has to be able to face different things, being how it takes has a part in the interactivity, however, stupid enemies in cutscenes don’t. Cutscenes don’t change, therefore the creators can do what they want with no fear of the player fucking up the situation, being how he cant move/shoot/whatever.
So while Wesley has moved one. Step. This riot shield guy was busy reloading or something. When he is finished, he doesn’t see Wesley! WHAT? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? HE MUST BE GONE! But if you look closely, you can actually SEE WESLEY AT THE EDGE OF THE SCREEN. Mr. Fucktard Riot Shield doesn’t notice that however. What is wrong with him? How god damn stupid can you be? What, does he believe Wesley was a secret fairy and teleported his way out of the room and now he has stopped wanting to kill him?!

At some points I really wonder. What is wrong with some game developers?
Spoiler Alerts.

I’d like to share with you a list I’ve put together of people that really, really, really, need to die.
Note that this list is not in a particular order. Here we go.

Miley Cyrus
I really hope I won’t have to go into details why Miley Cyrus needs to die. But if you don’t know why she needs to die, I can give you the following advice:
1. Go to hell.
2. Learn that Disney sucks.

George Lucas
God damn George Lucas. Sure, he’s made good movies such as Star Wars 4-6 and Indiana Jones. But then again…

Ronald A. Katz
This bastard invented the automated call center. Basically, he is the douchebag that makes you go through this when you want to reach tech support:
“Douchebag Shit Company Automated Call Center. Press one for the closest Pizza Hut. Press two to get away with armed robbery…”
Twenty minutes later.
“Press 129384918491385719128284918 for Tech Support.”
Bastard.

Mitch Bainwol
Mr. Bainwol started the RIAA. Fucking asshole.

Seth MacFarlane
Two words. Family Guy. Two more. American Dad.

Matt Groening
This is George Lucas all over again. The Simpsons used to be good. Now it sucks. I’ve also heard that Futurama sucks now too, however, I am not willing to investigate this.

The Jonas Brothers
Disney music. Oh, how agonizing. I hate disney music. It sucks. I’d seriously listen to Andreas Holmgren (me) – The Worst Song Ever (Bleeding Ears Remix) for the rest of my life instead of listening to one jonas brothers song.

Kanye West
Yo, Kanye, I’m really happy for you, and I’ma let you finish, but you need to die.

Bill Gates
God damn Bill Gates. I seriously want to beat the living shit out of him. Wait, what am I saying? I mean I want to kill him.

David Miscavige
Scientologist asshole.

Tom Cruise
Sorry Mr. Cruise, but not only are you a fucking asshole, but you are a fucking scientologist asshole. All scientologists must die.

Nazis
Do I even need to comment on this?

Michael Bay
This is how I planned Michael Bay’s death:
We have a bunch of bombs go off and it’s like BAAAAAAAAM, then there are these guys and they are like NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, then a chopper crashes into the street and it’s like BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM, then a tanker car loses control and rams a building and it falls down and it’s like CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Wait, what was I talking about?

Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs is a douchebag. With his iThis and iThat. Pisses me off. Fuck him. Google is the only IT company that I actually like.

Justin Bieber
Honestly I don’t know too much about this guy, but he is what, 11? Any musician under 18 is usually not worht the time.

Johan Palm
Johan Palm appeared in the swedish version of Idol the year 2008. He finished 4th, which really isn’t too bad, but what is amazing is that he made it past auditions. He. Is. Horrible. He really doesn’t know how to sing, it sounds like he’s still in puberty for gods sake.

Every Single Actor From “High School Musical”
High School Musical, High School Musical 2 and High School Musical 3 are THE worst movies of all time. Zac Efron, Ashley Tisdale, Zac Efron* and whatever that black guy’s name is are all horrible actors. They are worse than the “mom they’ve got my mom” guy from Pocket Ninjas. “Who?” You ask? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaTb6wL_pFE

Whoever invented Kidz Bop
Hey! Do you hate good music? Well listen to kidz bop! And what’s amazing about it is that somehow it was a huge success, since they made like 30 more of them. Really? Who wants to listen to bitchy kids singing bad songs?

The actual list is much longer, but I don’t feel like adding more. I’ll add more updates to this list when I feel like it.
Spoiler Alerts.

*If your really don’t get it, he is so bad I had to mention him twice.

Again, a random title for a blog post, but we have to spread nazi awareness.

Anyway, the movie Quarantine is my topic for the day. Basically it’s REC, but american. So basically, they took a mediocre spanish movie and made an american version of it. This won’t turn out bad! Well, it does. But I haven’t seen it. Why not? BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING REC BUT AMERICAN. But if you didn’t really know that, what is your reason to not see the movie? The poster. What is wrong with the poster? Just look at it.

First of all, “the residents were never seen again” pretty much means “no one in there survived”, doesn’t it? And what makes this an even more believable is the fact that the girl on the poster is one of the main characters. So basically, you got a tagline saying everybody died and a main character dying. I wonder if they’ll survive! No, of course they won’t. So why bother see the movie? I did have a guy tell me how it ends, and yes, I was right. So really, why the fuck would you even bother to fucking watch the god damn movie if the POSTER tells you the ending? That’s like if the tagline of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was “SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE”. Bullshit.

Spoiler Alerts.