The life of a fucking awesome person

So, the redsign is still going on. “What’s taking so long?” Well, whoever you are, AcidSoldier is still making the page. It’s going quite well, but is coming along at a somewhat slow pace. I will keep you posted on that.

Anyway, I’ve been getting into Minecraft lately. What is minecraft, you ask? Minecraft is a sandbox style game, with two different modes. The first, Classic (alternatively Creative) is a free play game where you can build whatever you want. You have a couple of different block types, and you can do whatever you want with this.

The other, Alpha (alternatively Survival) you have to pay for, but it’s damn well worth it. You start off on a randomly generated map (which is infinite) and you can craft different tools, mine, chop wood, farm etc. The biggest difference between Alpha and Classic is that in Alpha you have a limited amount of blocks. If you destroy a block, and pick it up, you can put it down again. So you have to collect blocks to build structures. There are also mobs (cows, chickens, pigs, sheep and several types of monsters) that can be killed for resources. There is also a day-night mechanic, the night being when the monsters spawn.

So, I’ve been playing a lot of Alpha, and damn is it addicting. Me and my brother started up a new save recently and we are working on a giant underground area. After exploring the infinite map a little, I stumbled upon a cave and went spelunking. And… well, it’s fucking huge. Seriously. Both me and my brother have been down in that cave for ages and there are still giant areas and tunnels that remain unexplored.

Minecraft – Buy it. Now. Seriously.

Decided to start redesigning the front page, hopefully it will be a success.
Most likely, however, it will not.

Welcome to the first installment of random short rant, in which I will be making a short rant (1-2 paragraphs) about something that is worth ranting, but isn’t bothering enough to make a long rant about.

In this first installment, I’ll be covering the decline of quality in the show The Simpsons.
The thing about The Simpsons is it was a very good show when it first came out. Seasons 1-9 were superb, with a few bad episodes. Then, sadly, it started its decline. I won’t go into which episodes started it, since I honestly don’t know, but what I’m trying to say is: The Simpsons now sucks. Season 20 was terrible. So was 21.

I can’t explain what’s the problem with The Simpsons, really. I mean, the jokes are worse now, the plot is worse, but why? I can’t explain it. It just feels like the older episodes were more meaningful. Remember the episode were it was revealed that Jebediah Springfield was actually a bloodthirsty pirate? It just feels like The Simpsons has become a parody of itself. Homer isn’t a loveable idiot anymore, he is a punching bag. Bart isn’t the classic badboy he used to be, he is a wimp.

That’s all folks.
Spoiler Alerts.

So I was reading the bible, and before you say something, the reason I was reading it was that I was tired of people telling me to read the bible whenever I said something about a bible verse not making sense.

So, I was reading the bible and got to the part with Noah’s ark. Wow, I thought, the first story of mass murder in the bible! Epic. So as I started reading it, I noticed a thing. According to God, the ark was supposed to be 150×25x15 meters. If you count the base area, that would be 3750 squaremeters. Impressive, right? Well, let’s put this in perspective. 3750 squaremeters is equal to the size of my house, if it was 30 times larger. Now, of course you don’t know how big my house is, but do you really believe that if someone took a regular house, duplicated it 30 times, and made a warehouse out of it it would fit two of all the animals in the world in it? Not only that, but being how there were monkeys, birds and other tree-dwelling animals in the ark, there had to be trees. So, did God just use his miracle (not magic, mind you!) wand and make it so that the trees could grow without soil, sun and water and make them under 15 meters?

But that’s not it. The ark was split into 3 sections. That means every section would be 5 meters. You know how big the average giraffe is? About 4.7-5.2 meters (according to Wikipedia, my reliable source). That means that the giraffes and other big animals would get a very tight fit and would probably have to bend their necks to not hit their heads in the ceiling.

And what about the food, the enviroment and the hunters living with the prey? Well, apparently God has that covered too, since there was apparently not a single problem with finding a massive supply of food, getting it in the ark, storing it, keeping the animals from killing each other, keeping the animals who need to be cold cold and keeping the animals who need to be warm warm.

So let’s take a look at how much God did to assure the survival of the creatures he hated and wanted to die. He made it so a 600 year old man could build a huge boat. He made it so that the animals were easy to capture and to bring into the boat. He fucked up the space-time continuum so that everyone could fit, he gave Noah an unlimited supply of food and he helped Noah keep the ark clean, he kept the hunters from the prey, and made the animals live in harmony.
God did all that to assure the survival of the CREATURES HE HATED. If you had an ant farm, and the ants killed each other, and you started to hate them, would you do all you could to help a single ant escape the terror as you killed the other ants? No, you’d fucking kill them all. Especially if you knew that the evil of the ant farm/world came from the race of humans/ants. You wouldn’t want to make the ants live on if they were biologically evil, would you? No, you wouldn’t.

So, there. The story of Noah’s ark doesn’t make any sense. At all.

Spoiler Alerts.

So I was playing Modern Warfare 2 when I realized. It’s bad. Really bad. At least the multiplayer is. Why? Here are five reasons why Modern Warfare 2 is crap.

1. Unbalanced weapons.
I really hate the unbalanced weapons in Modern Warfare 2. I mean, Model 1887s akimbo? They are godlike. If god picked a weapon to slay mankind, he would pick the Model 1887s from this game. Other examples of the unbalanced weapons are the grenade launchers (aka the noobtubes), that you barely need to aim with, the UMP45 which takes around 3 shots to kill anyone, the AK-47 that you pretty much just needs to aim at someone’s general direction and pull the trigger and they will drop like flies. And the list goes on, and on, and on, and on and on, and on…

2. Overpowered killstreaks
I like the fact that you get customizable killstreaks. I love that. I mean, getting to pick Counter-UAV instead of UAV is great. But the AC-130, the chopper gunner, the harrier strike and the pave low are all overpowered. Unless someone shoots them down they will DESTROY the enemy team.

3. Magic bullets
The magic bullets are a phenomena in MW2 that are kind of like the bullets in Wanted. I.E they can go around corners. What am I talking about? Well a very common occurence of the “magic bullet” is that you are shooting at an enemy, he hits you, you run for cover to not die, you reach the cover happy that you managed to survive. But then, you suddenly die. When you watch the killcam you don’t get an explanation either. Basically what happens (and this is purely guess work, but it seems likely) is that the bullet lags and is supposed to kill you early but doesn’t. OR (again, purely guess work) what happens is that because of lag, your hitbox is extended and thus you are killed. That brings me to the next point.

4. THE HITBOXES ARE FUCKING ASS
A common problem that I notice is that the hitboxes are very weird. For example, I have shot dead on at an enemy, but “missing” every single shot. I’ve also experienced a problem that you might call a magic bullet but I don’t see it as being a magic bullet. Basically what happens is that for example, I run out a door. An enemy appears just when I walk out, but thankfully by the time he starts shooting I’m already far around the corner. But SOMEHOW my hitbox has extended to the doorway and the enemy KILLS ME although I’m not even close to where he is shooting.

5. The host picking system (and no dedicated servers)
When it was announced that there were going to be no dedicated servers in MW2 I almost didn’t buy it. NO DEDICATED SERVERS? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? But I did buy it, because I figure it’d be fine. And it would be fine. Unless the matchmaking, automatic team making and host picking system is fucking ass. First of all, MW2 seems to always pick the worst host. I’ve experienced games where the only person that didn’t have extreme lag was the host. The automatic teammaking is also fucking terrible. It “tries” to make balanced teams, but if it actually does try, it fails. It fails miserably. Basically what it tries to do is mix the bad players with the good players. Which is logic. That makes for balanced teams. However, it seems to stockpile the bad people instead and pin them against the good people.

So there you have it. 5 reasons Modern Warfare 2 is crap. Well, atleast the multiplayer. The singleplayer is fine, and I really like special ops. But the multiplayer? Shit.

Spoiler Alerts.

Haven’t posted for a month, haven’t had anything to write about. But as I was looking at my facebook account I noticed I had 15 farmville requests. 15?! Really? I’m sorry, but who actually uses farmville? I used it a while ago, but quickly lost interest because it’s, oh, I don’t know. Worthless?
I mean, what’s so interesting about clicking “plant”, returning 4 hours later and clicking “harvest”. It’s not challenging, it doesn’t use any intelligence, all it does is TAKE TIME.

What about other facebook apps that are like farmville, but are about other things, like owning a cafe? Well, there is cafe world, which I used after I stopped using farmville, but quickly lost interest in that too because it sucked. It was basically the same deal as farmville. You hit a button, return a couple of hours later and hit another button. I find it fascinating that so many apps on facebook follow the same formula. There is petville, fishville, and idontfuckingcareanymoreville. I just don’t see the point in running a virtual farm, or a virtual cafe, or owning a virtual fish bowl. Who cares? I certainly don’t, so stop trying to involve me in your shit.

I do not want to be your neighbor. Go away. Seriously.

Spoiler Alerts.

Have you ever wondered how my life turned so awesome? How I stepped out of the dark, depressing hole of failure and into the glory of awesomeness? Well, now you can! Just follow these simple rules of life that I follow, and you will turn out as awesome as me (just don’t create a blog, I don’t like competition):

First of all, never underestimate your enemies. I had a lot of problems with this. Have you ever been in a position where someone is undermining you and you try to prepare but you don’t prepare for some of the more complex stuff because “they won’t think of that”. Don’t do that. Because when you do, they WILL think of that, and they WILL fuck you over. Badly.

Second of all, anything is possible. This is both motivational and literal. Anything IS possible. It IS possible that Star Wars III will be good, although it will probably never happen. It IS also possible that you’ll score tonight, although that will probably also never happen. Don’t turn your back on possibilities because “it’ll never happen”. That’s how you become non-awesome. And non-awesome people suck. Badly.

Third of all, don’t waste your time with people who don’t understand what you’re talking about. If someone is obviously not understanding the basics of awesomeness, it will probably never happen, and you should give up on them. This kind of goes against the second rule, but there is one big difference: scenarios and people aren’t the same thing.

Fourth of all, you’re awesome. You. Are. Awesome. This never changes. This never modifies. This is the exception that confirms the rule two. It will never happen that you lose your awesomeness. It isn’t possible. Everything else is possible, but not this. This NEVER changes.
(Note that you are not more awesome than me.)

So there. The four narcissistic rules of life that will make your life better. Now go with haste, put what you learned to use.
Spoiler Alerts.

Today in school I told one of my friends about I-Doser. It later came up in my friend circle and the friend I had originally told tried a quick hit. He got high. Really high. So during class we got to use the computers, and my entire friend circle immediately went on youtube and tried it. It didn’t take long until other people from my class wanted to see what was up. Now I-Doser is a HUGE thing in my class.

Anyway, today’s topic is… movies based on games.
The problem I have with movies based on games is that they always suck. ALWAYS suck. Part of the problems with these movies is mainly that most movies based on games are made by bad directors. Uwe Boll, for example, makes a lot of “game movies”. And being how Uwe Boll sucks, these movies also suck.
Another part of the problems with game movies is that games are fun because of interactivity. That’s what makes them games. But since movies are not interactive, the whole concept completely fails.

Please, movie directors of the world. DO NOT MAKE MOVIES BASED ON GAMES.

Spoiler Alerts.

I hope you don’t mind the little legal drug advertisment I did in my last post. I just had nothing to write about so I decided to write about I-Doser. However, after thinking over different possible rant subjects, I finally decided to rant on title translations.

Translating a title doesn’t seem like much of a job, right? Some titles like “Ark Angel” by Anthony Horowitz don’t need a translation because of the fact that (for example) “Ark Angel” is a part of the story, and therefore is sort of not english (of course it is, but even if you didn’t know english a book called “Ark Angel” or “Twilight” or whatever you would still be able to read the book.)
Other titles, like “Harry Potter and the philosopher’s stone”, is plain english, and can be translated to whatever language you want.

But still, the fucking translators can’t do it right. For example, the swedish translation of the title “Twilight” is “Om jag kunde drömma”, which means “If I could dream”. Why? Why?! WHY?! What the fuck is that for a translation? Twilight is the time between dawn and sunrise. How. Hard. Is it. To translate. That. Into swedish. Apparently impossible for the fuckwads who translated it.

Want another example? As I mentioned, “Ark Angel” is a part of the plot to “Ark Angel”. Want to know what they translated that to? “Hotet från himmlen”, which happens to mean “the threat from above.”
Jesus. Christ.
You have an easy fricking title. You can leave it as it is. WHY is it so fucking hard to leave it? Are these people retarded?

Spoiler Alerts.

While mindlessly surfing forums, I found out about a program called “I-Doser”, the basic idea is that it uses sound waves to change your brain waves to simulate being high. Sounds like bullshit, right? Well I decided to check it out anyway, and I tracked down a free download of the program and a bundle of “doses”. I tried out one called “nitrous”, and damn, it worked to some degree. Listed among the effects of the dose I was using, was “laughing”, and guess what? I laughed like hell without any reason. I was just lying there and I started laughing like a maniac. I later on tried on an “anti-headache” one, and it also worked. Still not convinced? Earlier today I tried a sedative dose, and it worked as well.

If you want more proof that the doses work:

Gates of Hades and Hand of God are listed as “Premium (Unexplainable)”, and the effects of them seem pretty severe.

So check it out.
Link to I-Doser’s website:
www.i-doser.com

Link to I-Doser download with dose bundle:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=CI3LWEW0

Remember to run the “Reset” dose between doses.
Comment if you have any feedback or problems.

UPDATE:
I realized I forgot to give some instructions on how to use I-Doser, so here is the basic step-by-step guide:
1. Darken down your enviroment.
2. Make sure there won’t be any sounds that distract you.
3. Use headphones. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
4. Turn on the dose.
5. Lie down, relax, try to concentrate on the sound.
6. If you want to try another dose immediately afterwards run the “Reset” dose first.